The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
