38 yer olds are good kisserssss
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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