i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
