So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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