If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
