I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
