If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
