11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
