did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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