Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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