a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
