i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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