Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
