this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
