whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
