No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
