Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
