i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
