??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
