My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
