it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
