I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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