dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
