hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
