I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
