at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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