i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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