I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
