He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
