i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
