i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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