you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
