I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This baby is an asshole
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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