I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
