do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
