Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
