ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
