do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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