I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
