Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
