Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
