Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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