i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
