I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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