why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
