There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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