i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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