I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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