Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
