If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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